Chinese Food

One time…

One time I asked a guy if I put hoi sin sauce on his dick, I would happily give him a blow job and he declined.

I have never understood the male sex. Hence I was single up until 37 and a half.

Then I met a man in lockdown, and fell totally head over heels and we had a GREAT romance. Don’t get me wrong, Relationships are hard, with the constant compromise and the kindness and all that sharing, ffs. No wonder people used to marry off when they were 18 because once you get used to ordering a whole crispy aromatic duck for yourself, it takes real strength to start cutting those pancakes down by half.

But luckily for me, I am very strong and luckily for him, he likes hoi sin sauce (blow jobs – he likes blow jobs. From me. I mean, wow. Who would have thought, my very own penis)

In lockdown I have been doing a LOT of DIY, including Herringbone paneling on a feature wall which is way more hassle then its worth. Decking which is half built and a bathroom floor with no tiles but I did work out the self-levelling compound, Speaks for itself really.

I also had puppies, well Bernie did, but you would think it was me for all the hours I put in. Three lil beautiful Bernadoodles, the most wonderful experience, am so lucky to have had the chance. I don’t think I ever would again, but only because it was too hard to give them away. They all now have 3 beautiful homes and are giant lil munchkins. Bernie is very happy to have me back all to herself.

Luisa and puppies

So lockdown ended and sadly so did my romance and hopefully my DIY days. But the taps are running now baby, the water is officially back on! I am ready for LOVE and to hire contractors, as soon as I start working, no more Miss DIY, DIYoudoit!! AM I right!?! Pay someone for what they are good at. Clearly, you can see, my strength is in word play.


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